Trying to figure out your parenting style? Learn the four main types and how to choose the right one for your family.
When it comes to parenting, sometimes love and logic lead you to do completely different things. You may be trying to teach your child a lesson, but when they’re upset, it’s hard to follow through, and you give in. Other times, you may feel strongly that they need to learn, and you follow a boundary you put in place that was lax before, potentially causing confusion.
There are many different approaches to parenting. What parenting style is right for you? Remember that your definition of good parenting may look different from someone else’s.
Here is a parenting guide to the different styles and how to choose what works best for your family. Let’s dive in.
Types of parenting styles
You may hear a range of different terms relating to parenting styles, like “overbearing,” “helicopter parent,” or “overindulgent.” It’s helpful to walk through more clinically accepted terms to understand how people typically approach parenting. Consider these four common parenting styles, as outlined in a research report from the National Library of Medicine, and their pros and cons.
-Permissive parenting
Permissive parents aren’t that concerned with rules. They give in easily to their child’s demands and wishes without considering the consequences. They may set rules initially, but don’t follow through with them. Permissive parents approach parenting as if it’s a friendship, where they want to support their child but rarely discipline them. They’re probably kind and warm to their children and may even be a bit of a pushover.
This kind of style may foster creativity and free thinking in children, which is a plus, but it can also mean that kids don’t understand boundaries in certain situations. They may disregard rules and think that there isn’t anything wrong with that.
-Neglectful/uninvolved parenting
Just hearing the term “neglectful” can be a turn-off from even considering this parenting style. Some call it “uninvolved” instead. This style goes beyond the permissive style in how disengaged parents are with their children. They may be unresponsive to them and ignore them frequently. They don’t spend much time playing with their kids, talking to them about things, or setting rules and boundaries around the house.
While some children turn out more independent and efficient when they have neglectful, uninvolved parents, this parenting style often leads to a lack of self-esteem, self-control, and obedience to other authority figures.
-Authoritarian parenting
These parents want to control everything their child does. They set strict rules and follow through with sometimes harsh punishments. It’s hard for these parents to listen to what their children have to say or pay attention to their feelings. They don’t see any exceptions to rules. These parents are known for bringing in phrases like “because I said so” when asked to explain a boundary.
Children of authoritarian parents may follow rules flawlessly. They’re often well-behaved in public. However, they could harbor anger or have low self-esteem since they were always punished or made to feel shame for their actions.
-Authoritative parenting
Authoritative parents are pretty well-balanced. They are concerned about how their child feels and treat them with warmth, yet they’re committed to enforcing rules and ensuring their child understands why a rule is important.
These parents are able to set boundaries with their children and issue consequences where needed. Children will still feel supported and loved while also learning limits and how to treat others. Parents are both nurturing and logical in this parenting style.
How to choose your parenting style
Everyone seems to have an opinion about what’s right and wrong. But the truth is, everyone is different, and that’s okay. Factors that may influence the kind of parent you want to be include your own childhood experiences, your existing family dynamics, and how you want your relationship with your child to be.
For instance, new parents who had very overbearing or strict parents growing up may tell themselves they’ll be the opposite, taking on a more uninvolved or free-spirited approach. On the flip side, if someone had neglectful parents, they may want to be involved in every single thing their child does.
Consider what you want your relationship to look like with your child, not just now but years down the road. What’s most important to you? Is it that they learn to follow the rules or that they can express themselves? Do you want them to learn to make decisions for themselves early on, or ease them into it?
The good news is that you don’t have to choose just one parenting style. You can do a mixture of two or three, or even all four. Certain situations may spark you to take on a more authoritarian approach, like when your child severely misbehaves. Or, you may want to step back in certain moments of playtime and take on an uninvolved mindset for a little while.
You should also factor in your partner’s wishes if you’ll be co-parenting. Get their feedback on what they liked and didn’t like about their childhood. What do they wish their parents would have done differently? What do they like about how they were parented? These conversations help you both uncover where you agree and disagree. You’ll eventually be able to pinpoint which type of parenting style most resonates with you and your goals as a family.
You could also think about working with a parenting coach or taking parenting classes online if you’re still unsure what to do. Some experts recommend parenting from the inside out, where you get to know yourself better to help you parent your kids most effectively.
As your child learns, grows, and ages, you may find yourself shifting into a different parenting style than you ever thought you’d be using. Be patient with yourself, your child, and your partner as you navigate the uncertain parenting waters together.
Start your parenting journey with the right baby products
If you’re only just beginning, you have time to figure out which parenting style or styles you want to use with your child in your parenting plan. Using multiple approaches at different moments may help you have a well-balanced child who understands boundaries yet can be creative.
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